No Ringy, No Dingy: The Time Parents Interrupted Purity Culture. When the youth pastor became too emphatic about having sex on his wedding night, we parents stepped in.
What IS real is a helping HAND when someone needs it. Forget about “God closing a door”. If you can be the HAND that helps someone up, then do it. A closed door doesn’t relieve you of your part in the life of a friend, colleague, or neighbor. If you are able to help and don’t, then “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matt 25:40) is meaningless.
I could never have come through all of this with a Christian counselor. Dealing with trauma, emotional things, marital problems, etc while going through deconstruction simply cannot be handled by someone who is committed to first and foremostly “saving lost sheep.” You are not a project. You are not a salvation target. You are a person and you need to be heard and taught how to walk through your own life.
Everything I did was to protect myself, my image, from the church people. It was all about how things looked to others. And most everyone I was friendly with at church were exactly the same way. It was all about the image. “Putting on the new man” and “getting rid of the old man” were all about making yourself appear as righteous and Christian-esque as you could. It had nothing to do with actually being a Christian.