Coming to terms with this new chapter of life
I could never have come through all of this with a Christian counselor. Dealing with trauma, emotional things, marital problems, etc while going through deconstruction simply cannot be handled by someone who is committed to first and foremostly “saving lost sheep.” You are not a project. You are not a salvation target. You are a person and you need to be heard and taught how to walk through your own life.
Everything I did was to protect myself, my image, from the church people. It was all about how things looked to others. And most everyone I was friendly with at church were exactly the same way. It was all about the image. “Putting on the new man” and “getting rid of the old man” were all about making yourself appear as righteous and Christian-esque as you could. It had nothing to do with actually being a Christian.
It was as much a conscious decision as it was a door that closed abruptly. It was shocking, jolting us awake and forcing us to see the world around us. When we really looked, we noticed things. We saw everything that had been distorted when filtered through the lens of evangelical Christianity. We saw people who were being overlooked and neglected by so-called caring churches.
